Bring it on! Your seed, I mean.
At 43, I am now completely ready to be a mother! Well beyond any biological clock alarms or earmarking my bonus for fertility juice as opposed to blowing it on a vacation and an iPhone, I have incontrovertible proof that I can now raise a human.
This morning, as I walked through the subway turnstile and towards the 6-train, a group of teen girls (the nastiest form of human to walk the earth!), walking shoulder-to-shoulder, oblivious to morning rush crowding, unwilling to turn sideways so that people could pass by, possibly due to their perpetual need to taunt or the binding jeans made even more constricting by belts pulled to the final hole causing the chub to puff out both above and below it, swiped passed me. The one on the end got a healthy whack from the gigantic book I was hauling in my messenger-style bag as it swung back from her knocking it from my side in the first place. She, not surprisingly, made as though she were clubbed like a baby seal and hollered, "OW! Watch where you goin' bitch!" and immediately began that maniacal teenage giggling. Quicker than reflex, the words were out of my mouth, "I will spank your foul-mouthed little butt!" and I harumphed my way down to the track level.
As I mused how dirty that could be construed by pervs within earshot, the metrosexual guy next to me nodded approvingly, which I interpretted as "I now pronounce you ready to mother."
posted by GniessGirl @ 6:43 AM
1 Comments:
A few weeks ago, I saw some kid with those shoes with the wheels. He's zipping around the grocery store picking up items for his mom.
I said to the women in line. Those things ought to be illegal. All these kids with wheels zipping around public places.
The modern day equivalent of "You'll put your eye out!"
I doubt I'm ready to be a father however; I may be ready to be a grandmother. Maybe I will threaten the next kid whose ball comes in my yard with throwing hot water on them, and then pull a 20 out my brassiere.
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