Oprah and Gayle - Total Besties!!!

Hey, I don't like Oprah. I don't hate her, either. I think she's uninteresting and has made a career off people who are interesting. I don't think that just because she's constantly on the "who has way too much money for one human being" list automatically makes her a genius. I don't believe just because she allowed herself to be used by a car company to 'give' people who can't afford to buy a car or the taxes resulting from recieving one as a 'gift' on national TV (where the IRS could TiVo it for future auditing ease) that she's a near-saint. I am very relieved that she stopped putting herself in the projects she produces - she sucked in "The Color Purple"! (Although, it was somewhat satisfying to see her get a beat down, rewind and see it again...) And, I did rejoice inside when "Hermes" didn't recognize her and turned her away from the store because IT WAS CLOSED!!! She cried 'racism'. Talkshow hosts are a race? Because all of the black people I know know how to go to a store before it closes.

With this new stunt, she's taking advantage of the 'Coming-Out-Without-Coming-Out' paradox. This is where you announce that you aren't gay in a gay-friendly way so that middle-America white women, who use their devotion to you as proof they aren't racist, will remain loyal viewers and gay mags won't viciously 'out' you. I don't care if Gayle and she stay up all night playing with a paper fortune-teller (see pic, remember those?) to see if Oprah and Steadman will marry or if they flip a coin to see who gets to strap it on...I truly don't care. However, denying it screams, "I'm gay!" Especially when you are 'the Oprah', who allegedly doesn't have to answer to anyone, including the Beef Industry (double entendre?). She's the one describing her relationship with Gayle as "otherworldly" and "designed by a hand greater than my own" wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!

Here's a thought more eeiw-worthy than 'Gay-Not-Gay Oprah': 'Oprah's O' which you know sounds like, "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm-m-m cu-u-u-u-u-m-m-ming!!!!" like she does when she introduces a guest. Feel free to cringe.

I hope I hope I hope I hope oh how I hope she'll move on to the next step in the 'I'm Not Gay' playbook which is "taking people to court to prove your not-gayness" i.e. Tom Cruise. So, I'm writing it here, without proof, Oprah and Gayle are totally gay! Now, I'm going to sit back and cross my fingers and hope that she'll sue me. My life lacks media frenzy. Sue me, Op', pleeeez.