Yin Yang Extraction

My first mamogram took place last month, courtesy of the lovely NYU Breast Imaging Center*. After donning a lead apron, I was propped up onto the "Mammotron 3000". As my boobs were being mashed vertically, then horizontally, I wondered, "What Comicbook Geek thought of that name?".

I also realized why mammo's are recommended after age 35; a perky rack would defy being being treated like pizza dough; which could explain the demise of the "Mammotron 2000", the "Mammotron 1000", etc.

Friends warned me that it was going to be mega-painful. It did hurt, but was I supposed to get slightly turned on? The way the Tech grabbed and re-positioned my boob using my nipple as a handle, I contemplated asking her back to my place for a 'tickle fight'.

Side Note: I'm willing to bet that when the Mammo Tech's husband asks, "Honey, how was your day?" he gleefully listens!

A lump was discovered. Not serious, kiddies, relax. The Dr. called it a proteinaceous (sp?) mass - a deposit of protein just hanging out in my right boob.

I've been a vegetarian since 1985. Stupidly, I've been concerned about my protein intake.

The pretty, hyper Dr. w/ a Sweet Tooth, stopped chomping on her giant sugar cookie long enough to show me the lump on the sonogram's monitor. We agreed; it was shaped like a "Yin-Yang" - the Chinese symbol of Balance, representing the two Cosmic Forces of Creative Energy.

"Could that be caused by 20 yrs of tofu consumption?" I asked the pretty Dr., who laughed and said she'd check the journals.

My boobie Yin-Yang was then scheduled for extraction. I was a bit conflicted about its removal. Afterall, she did say it was not life threatening and that it's been there for some time. Its appearance in my boob seems to coincide with my increasing sense of balance. Maybe with it would go my inner-peace and creativity, I feared.

The extraction was attempted, but not fully executed. My boobie Yin-Yang put up quite a fight not to be anihilated! So, now, even though it may be much smaller, enough remained so it can impart its magic.

*JSA (Jodi Service Announcement) Call the brand, spanking new NYU Breast Imaging Center & schedule your Mammo today...you know who you are! 212-731-5002