Altoona Bowling Ball Speaks Out

The Bowling Ball used by Presidential Candidate, Senator Barack Obama, says that Barack Obama misrepresented its ability to 'bowl strikes'. After the media mercilously mocked its repeated forays into the gutter, as if this were something under its control, the Altoona Bowling Ball demanded an hour with Bill Moyer, lunch with Jon Stewart, inexplicably to party with Lindsey Lohan and a week long press conference at the National Press Club, with only green M&M's in its dressing room. The Altoona Bowling Ball, "Al", was most upset by the onslaught of Youtube clips that were condensed down to specifically make it look like a Nerf ball. One in particular, labelled "OBAMA BOWLS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL" doesn't even show the actual Little Girl who was instrumental in Sen. Obama's misrepresentation of its "awesome pin punking prowess" says Al. The outraged, Bowling Ball asked, "Where are the videos of me making the pins my bitches?" Moreover, the Bowling Ball is embarrassed by photos of it 'topless' with the Senator's fingers inserted into its holes (Al admits it did not fully understand the signed release). When asked about its patriotism, Al the Bowling Ball retorted, "Dick Cheney never went to any alley!" Full disclosure, Al the Bowling Ball has said it owes the Clintons a lot, since people bowled more in the 90's, whereas, Sen. Obama was out engaging in elitist basketball.